So Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, and Megadeth are going on tour together. Just fucking great. Exactly what the world needs. Nothing good will come out of this. Douchebags are going to think it’s cool to start rocking mullets again while drunk driving in their fucking Camaro’s and Trans-Am’s. I guarantee the reported cases of attempted rape at these shows is going to be in the high double digits.

The worst part about this tour is going to be the crowd. These bands were huge in the 80’s, which means the average attendee is going to be in their late 30’s/early 40’s trying to relive their “glory years.” This is going to lead to lots of older women dressing in shit they have no business dressing in, using 3 cans of Aqua-net in their hair, getting fucking wasted off the “king of beers” and showing their tits. I’m sorry but I don’t want to see some over-weight, floppy, chewed up titties.

Here is what I need everyone to do. Buy a ticket and a box of strike-anywhere matches. Walk into the middle of the crowd and start lighting the matches and just throw them anywhere. The resulting pyrotechnics will be even better than that Great White show from a couple years back.